My Journal age 12 by Joe Cartwright
by Pixar
Summary: Joe asks Adam questions about the facts of life.


My Journal Age 12  
Joe Cartwright

"Dear Journal,  
I'm in love with the prettiest girl in the world. She has blonde hair and blue eyes and she sways when she walks. _I could look at her all day. _Today in school I helped her pick up her books when she dropped them and then she smiled at me and I felt all strange inside. I want to ask her to the picnic on Founder's Day but I haven't told Pa yet. I hope that old Adam doesn't stick his nose into my business.

Dear Journal,

It was the best day of my life! I took Annie to the picnic and we walked around _( that was kind of boring)_ but then she started telling me about her father and how he was a gambler and he made lots of money and how her father will teach me how to play poker! I can't wait to go to her house, of course, I'm not telling Pa about the poker lessons.

Dear Journal,

Wow! Her father was great, he played for hours with me and even Annie played. I had the best time of my life! He talked about riverboats and casino's and something called "dens."  
Anyway, we laughed and had the best time in the world! I'm going to teach Hoss, he knows how to play but Mr. Andrews taught me a few neat tricks with the cards, he said it was called palming.

Dear Journal,

Today, I showed Hoss how to play better and he got real huffy with me. I just don't understand Hoss sometimes, he's my best friend but sometimes he acts like Adam. He said I shouldn't be playing cards at my age and that Pa would tan my hide if'n he found out about it. I tried to explain that Annie's father taught me, but he wouldn't listen to me, but he gave me a hug and told me to be good.

Dear Journal,

Annie ignored me today and left with Seth Pruitt to walk home. She's been real testy lately. I don't understand girls. I want her to like me, but she says that I'm just not old enough for her, but we're the same age! I felt as if my heart was going to break when she smiled at Seth like that. I thought that was my special smile... _why is she doing that?_ I don't understand women....that what Adam always says after he breaks up with someone, who knew that Adam and I would have the same woman problems?

Dear Journal,

It's been over a month since I wrote in you and I have a tale to tell you! Well, there was a big dust up with Annie and Seth. We had a big fight in the school yard and Seth being a year older and thirty pounds heavier won that fight. Now I don't hold it against him but I wish he hadn't given me a black eye because Pa wasn't best pleased about it. Hoss asked me what happened and I had to shade the truth the little, but he said he understood about women troubles and I was starting on the long road to perdition. _What is perdition? _I'm going to ask Adam, because if'n anyone would know, it would be him.

After the fight, Annie ran over to Seth and gave him a kiss on the cheek and I just stood there like an idiot and tried not to cry. Oh...I wasn't hurt that bad, just a few good bruises but inside I hurt like the dickens. She kissed him and held his hand and gazed at him like he was a god or something. I want her so bad to smile at me. I stomped off and got my horse and rode home, thinking up ways to get even with old Seth. I'm not saying revenge is sweet, but I was going to teach him a lesson in manners, a lesson not to take another fellows girl.

So, it was a few days later and I set up Seth to take the fall. I feel real bad now that I did that but I just wasn't thinking straight then, I guess. I pretended to Seth's Pa that I was hurt real bad in the fight and I was going to tell my Pa and he was going to get Sheriff Coffee for Seth beating me up. Well, Seth's Pa lit into him good. I shouldn't have done that, but his Pa has forbidden Seth to the leave his yard for a month. I knew I could get Annie to like me again in a month.

Sure enough, as soon as Seth stopped coming around, Annie was hugging and kissing me again. I sure do like that. We have been getting a little...well....but I'm sure Adam did that too. He told me once that his first love was his best love. So, I'm not going to stop kissing her but sometimes she scares me. I know that sounds funny, but she is so....hot. I don't mean hot in heat....wait...yes I do. Sometimes I feel like I'm burning up....and then she puts her hands all over me and I think I'm going to burst into flames. That scares me plenty. I tried to talk to Hoss but he didn't understand what I was talking about, so I decided to talk to Adam instead, he must know what is happening to me.

I worked up the courage and approached Adam carefully. You have to sneak up on him, he's tricky like. Finally, Pa and Hoss went to bed and so I knocked softly on Adam's door. He told me to come in but looked surprised to see me at that time of night.

"Little Joe, what's the matter? Are you sick?" Well, he was bound to ask me that cause I never go to Adam for anything if I can help it...but this is an emergency. _I'm kinda of afraid of burning up._

"No, I'm not sick. I...I want to ask you a question." At the look on his face I added, "I mean it's just between you an me." Now old Adam is quicker on the uptake than Hoss and Pa, so I could see he was thinking real hard.

"You want to ask me a question?" At my nod, he motioned me to the chair in his room. "Okay, ask the question then you get to bed."

Nothing makes a guy feel worse that sitting on a hard chair asking questions. So, I stood up and walked around his room looking at his things. I sneaked a peak at him but then I dropped my eyes because Adam' can stare at you like a hawk or something.

"Joe, ask me the question or go to bed." Well, that is Adam in a nutshell...he has no finer feelings for his brother's problems.

Standing still and wringing my hands I finally got the question out. "Adam, I'm in love...but I think something is wrong with me, can you help me?"

Adam sat there like a lump on a log and I was beginning to worry I had gone to the wrong Cartwright, when he says..." Your in love?"

I shook my head yes.

"Hmm....well, Little Joe...I guess that you're about the right age to fall in love. " Adam stuck right there I could see the hesitation on his face. "It's completely normal to fall for a nice little girl at school."

_Why...why did I come in to Adam? He just don't get it and I didn't want to say it out loud._

At my silence he frowned then held the bridge of his nose...I usually want to laugh when he does that cause you can just see old Adam's thoughts turning around in that brain of his, but this time I was hoping that he realized my problem.

"Look, Joe, every boy at sometime falls for the opposite sex." When my eyes grew large at the term sex....he restated the sentence. "I mean every boy falls for girls. That is completely normal. You must know this!" Adam was now sounding a little unsure of himself which didn't help me at all.

All right, I guess Adam ain't as smart as I thought. I was going to have to say it. "Adam...that's not my problem. I mean it is but it ain't."

"Isn't Joe, say isn't."

Sighing, I turned to go back to my room, when I felt his hand on my shoulder, he led me to sit down on the bed. "You're cold." He covered me up then said softly. "Just tell me Little Joe, I'm not a mind reader."

"I...I get hot." I whispered quietly.

"You're hot?" Adam started to pull the covers off me but my hands were clenched on them. "Not hot with covers."

Adam looked deep into my eyes and then I saw he finally got it! _Whew, it took long enough._

"You mean you and a girl are..."Adam stopped, looking afraid to say it. "Joe, you're not doing anything bad are you?"

At my nod of yes...I thought for sure Adam was going to faint. But, we Cartwright's are made of sterner stuff than that and old Adam' says, "You mean you're making love to a girl?"

I again nodded yes, and Adam's eyes grew three sizes, I tell you true, Journal. He looked like that time that Hoss had pole axed him with a right hook.

"I can't help it Adam, she is all over me, and I can't think when I'm with her." I spilled my guts without stopping, it finally came tumbling out. "I don't like this feeling...it's like I'm going to burst into flames!" I started to cry and he gathered me into his arms.

"Shh...Little Joe." Patting me on the back he finally laid me down on the bed. "You mean you're....you're hot from her kissing you?"

"Yeah...what did you think I meant?" I looked at Adam trying to read his thoughts, but he looked like his face got all red.

"Nothing...nothing." Wiping is forehead he forged ahead. "Joe, has Pa talked to you about the facts of life?"

"Yep, he says that the facts of life are day to day living and we must all try our best to get through the days of our lives. " I repeated my Pa's exact words.

Sighing, Adam hid his face, then started to talk to me about his facts of life. I turned as red as Adam had...and I couldn't look at his face when he was through. I'm not sure he was telling me the truth...but Adam hardly ever lies except when he has too because of Pa.

"So, when you feel all hot like that, it's a warning to slow down, and get a grip on your feelings. At your age you shouldn't even be having feelings like that." At my scared look, he tried again. "I mean I know you are...but you're just a little boy, Joe. Give yourself time to grow up and leave Annie alone. I'm sure you don't want to have this talk with Pa."

Just the thought of this conversation with Pa broke me out in a sweat. "No, Adam I don't want that!" Adam reached for his handkerchief and wiped my eyes and told me to blow my nose. "Now, you go on to bed, Joe. Everything will be fine...but you must stop kissing Annie, you understand me?"

At my nod he pulled the covers off me and swatted my bottom, (_ why do grown ups do that?_) and sent me to bed with a few deep thoughts. I never realized all that went on between men and women, and I was going to keep a eye out for such behavior.

Well, Journal...I guess that's all I have to say right now, but I'll keep you informed about my love life....because I know Adam said to stop kissing Annie...but I don't think I will. I will stop before getting real hot though, because Adam says it's is like bursting into flames when men do that....hmm...._it must not be that bad though, _or men would quit having children. I'm going to ask Seth, after all he must be over his mad by now....and he might not know these things, and I have to tell Mitch and .......

Joe Cartwright  
Age 12  
1854


End file.
